Helllooo, lover

“The artist’s life cannot be otherwise than full of conflicts, for two forces are at war within him [or her]-on the one hand, the common human longing for happiness, satisfaction and security in life and on the other a ruthless passion for creation which may go so far as to override every personal desire…There are hardly any exceptions to the rune that a person must pay dearly for the divine gift of creative fire.” -Carl Jung

 

I keep asking myself, “really?”  13 years ago I went on this whole journey in a completely different direction, only to land back exactly where I started. I was working as a server, doing art fairs and teaching dye techniques on occasion. I studied nutrition, in hopes of getting a well paying job, and planned on continuing my art/textiles, in a hobbyist fashion.  I did receive an education in alternative nutrition, got a job at a food bank helping kids and providing nutrition education.  And I landed a job I really loved. I worked with great people, some I’m so lucky to keep in touch with.  So, if it was a bit of a detour, it was a great detour.  I left shortly after the birth of my first child.

And there started my journey back to art.  I worked for a while as the art teacher at a teen center for the YMCA.  That was fun, though my audience wasn’t as interested in art techniques as they were their boyfriends and girlfriends.  That’s ok, I remember those times.  I left that job after the birth of my second child.  That’s when I started my journey back into restaurant, first as a beertender at a small tap house, than as a full fledged server at a local brewery.  And as I work at the brewery, I’m trying to launch my art career, again.  Back full circle

Interesting how life works sometime.  lately, however, I’ve wondered if “I’m doing the right thing” by starting exactly where I left off; wondering if it’s a wise move to go back to what I once left, like returning to an ex.  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, do I really want to do it again?  That’s what prompted this entry.  And as I sit and write and tell my story back to myself, I have come to the conclusion of, yes this is what I want to do.  There is nothing wrong with finishing out what I started all those years ago.  I didn’t waste any time, resources or energy.  I’ve learned and experienced, tried this and that, failed here, succeeded there.  It’s life.

So, with regrets and doubts aside (at least for today), I forge forward, eye on the prize and return to my work with strengthened confidence.  I’m sure i’ll have 120 more moments of doubt, but I can come back and reread this post, and hopefully feel strengthened again.